Waiting
by Darkness's Angel
Summary: She lingers for something that she’s knows will never come, yet she still waits.


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Waiting

Summary: She lingers for something that she's knows will never come, yet she still waits.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

I'm sitting thinking about you again. It's really uncanny how often you cross my mind. If I had my way, you wouldn't, not once at all, yet I can not control that, can I? I feel also as though I'm trapped in of those romance novels that Lavender and Parvati read, and talk about all the time. They are probably the only thing that they can actually comprehend anyways.

That wasn't very nice now, was it? Making unpleasant comments about them to help release my confusion. I didn't think that I'd still be thinking of you now, not after I became someone else's. It wasn't like the last time. You know, earlier in 6th year, when I had that brief thing with Seamus. I cared about him, but did I love him? No. Could I love him? No. I suspect that is why that relationship failed, because I did not want it to succeed, because when I was away from him, I'd be thinking of you, and only you.

But now it's different. When I said yes to Ron earlier this evening, I actually meant it, and there were strong feelings behind it. I had a large smile on my face, and I was actually happy. I fell for him, and he fell for me. To top it all off though, when I talked to you a little bit afterwards, I didn't really feel a thing. No heart racing, no chills up my spine, nothing.

Yet, now that I sit here and think about it, really think about it, I know that there is a chance I've been mistaken. I know that the feelings are still there. I won't speak them though, and I won't confirm it. I'll just let everyone think I love Ron, and only Ron, for it is true, I do love Ron, but not only him.

It would be easier if I had said no to him, I could still be allowed to imagine you coming up to me, and kissing me so sweetly, it would melt me. Now I shouldn't have those thoughts anymore, I shouldn't want that, and most importantly, I shouldn't be waiting for you still.

I waited seven years for you to open your eyes, Harry. Seven years to acknowledge me, seven years to tell me that you loved me, seven years to be mine. Yet you still aren't, you still haven't, and I fear you never were going to be.

I want to crush the part of me that still pines for you a bit, the part of me that still holds out hope for you. That you will come and take me away, yet I know you won't. I know that those thoughts should have died long ago, yet they still burn, dimmed a bit from the years, but nevertheless, they still burn.

I loved you, did you know that? I loved you so much that it hurt. You were the first one to break my heart, not Seamus like I know everyone thought. It was you. You were my first love. I hate that now, thinking about it. That sounds so low, so unmeaning.

Why did it have to be you? I have spent many a nights, trying to answer that. I have answered it, but the words do not really suit the meaning. Part of me wants to forget, part of me wishes to be free of this spell you have over me.

I wonder silently if being able to let go would be better or worse, I wonder if I could be truly happy then. I have a feeling that that would not be so.

I am happy though. I'm happy being Ron's girlfriend. I'm his girlfriend. It seems almost unreal to me. I'm actually belong to someone else other than you. Then again, I was never truly yours though, was I? I suppose it is just my wishful thinking.

I feel something around my shoulders, and stop my daydreaming. I glance from the corner of my eye, to see that it's Ron, so I relax just then. I look around the room, and involuntarily, my sight lingers upon your face. Your smiling slyly, and I know your up to something, then you speak suddenly, and I look at who you're talking to.

Parvati.

I suppose I should have known. I can see that your flirting with her, the new girl of the week. It helps that I know you two won't ever last, but it does not really undo the pain. I suppose I am really still waiting for you.

It's a few months later, Harry, and you've just defeated Voldemort, but a terrible price: your life. You promised me that you would return, you promised me that everything would fine, but it's not.

I'm sitting here, Harry, sitting in the same place I was the day I said yes to Ron. I'm waiting for you Harry, I'm waiting for you to walk through the doors of the Great Hall and sit down. I know you won't though, I know you never will again, yet part of my still hopes, part of me won't let you go.

It's a few years later Harry, and I seem to find myself in the same place. Where I was when Ron asked me out, where I was when you died, in the Great Hall. This time it looks different though. The four, long, wooden tables have been moved, only to be replaced by several white chairs. The school seal is gone Harry, replaced by banners of white and gold.

I look down at my hand, at the ring upon my finger. I'm getting married to Ron. He asked me a few months ago, and again I said yes. I look away from my ring, and glance at the bottom of my dress. It really is beautiful, my only regret is that you aren't here to see it.

Sighing, I gaze at over where I ran to you in second year after I was released from the Hospital Wing, then over to where the Gryffindor Table would be. There are so many memories in this place, that I had forgotten just how significant it was. This is where we were sorted, this is where we laughed, and cried. This is also where you died Harry, right here, in the Great Hall.

I didn't really think you where gone, that it really had happened. I thought it was only a horrible nightmare that I would eventually wake up from. Well, I haven't woken up yet, and it just seems to get even harder. I hear the door opening, and I stop breathing. I turn around, expecting to see you, but it is only Ginny letting me know the ceremony is going to start, and I need to leave the Great Hall so no one sees me. I breath again.

We walk out of the Great Hall, and stand around waiting. We are waiting for two very different reasons. They are all waiting to see me get married, I'm waiting for you to come save me. I hear the music begin, and my father takes my arm. I'm walking down the aisle now Harry, but it's not to you I'm being given to. I close my eyes for a second, then open them, and see Ron standing there, and half of me hopes that you'll come and take me away. As we say our vows, I'm still waiting, yet you never come.

I'm dying now, Harry. Ron's holding my hand, knowing that my life is ending. I have had a good life with him, and I tried to forget you, which happened more often than not. Yet, that teenage girl within me, the one obsessed with studying, the one with a book in her arm, the one you knew since you were eleven, will not let your memory fade. I'm still waiting Harry, still waiting for a lot of things. I say one final goodbye to Ron, as he kisses my forehead, and I close my eyes.

I feel different Harry, I feel young. I look down and I see my old Hogwarts uniform on. My face gets a questioning look upon it. I glance up and see your smiling face. You hold out a hand to me, and I laugh at you. After all my years of waiting Harry, you finally come, and I take your hand.

It's then I feel complete. It's then I know that everything is alright again, it's then I know the truth, that my love for you has never faded, but I did love Ron. It's finally then that I know, Harry, that I finally know, that my patience has been rewarded. I no longer have to wait.

Author's Note - This just popped into my head. Not really what I had in mind in the beginning of this one-shot. I hope you guys like it. Please review and let me know what you all thought!


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